advice from famous people

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
- - -Saki [H. H. Munro]

Any idiot can get laid when they're famous. That's easy. It's getting laid when you're not famous that takes some talent.
- - -Kevin Bacon, 1996

Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let’s not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources.
- - -Ronald Reagan (10 Sept. 1980)

Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think it’s looks, most women know otherwise.
- - -Kathleen Turner (1986)

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
- - -Wilson Mizner

Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home.
- - -Phyllis Diller

Blind faith in your leaders, or in anything, will get you killed.
- - -Bruce Springsteen

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
- - -George Burns

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
- - -Dorothy Parker

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.
- - -Will Rogers

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
- - -George Burns

Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.
- - -George Burns

Drugs have nothing to do with the creation of music. In fact, drugs are dumb and self-indulgent. Kind of like sucking your thumb.
- - -Courtney Love

Have no fear of perfection- you'll never reach it.
- - -Salvador Dali

He who slings mud generally loses ground.
- - -Adlai Stevenson

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
- - -Steve Landesberg

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- - -Phyllis Diller

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
- - -Jon Winokur

I always advise people never to give advice.
- - -P. G. Wodehouse

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
- - -Bill Maher

I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
- - -Adela Rogers St. John

If a pit bull romances your leg, fake an orgasm.
- - -Hut Landon

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
- - -G. K. Chesterton

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly . . . very slowly.
- - -Gypsy Rose Lee

If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.
- - -Johnnie L. Cochran, Jr.

If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
- - -Linda Furney

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- - -Dan Quayle

If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- - -Harry S Truman

If you can't be kind, at least be vague.
- - -Judith Manners

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
- - -George Carlin

If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
- - -Bobby Slayton

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
- - -Rush

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
- - -Bobcat Goldthwait

If you have to be in a soap opera try not to get the worst role.
- - -Boy George

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
- - -Katherine Hepburn

If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says : "I'm cheap!"
- - -Delta Burke

If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.
- - -Norm Crosby

If you're there before it's over, you're on time.
- - -James Walker

Impropriety is the soul of wit.
- - -W. Somerset Maugham

It ain't over till it's over.
- - -Yogi Berra

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- - -William Clinton

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
- - -George Bernard Shaw

It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.
- - -Shirley MacLaine

Keep a diary and one day it'll keep you.
- - -Mae West

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.
- - -Groucho Marx

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once.
- - -Eva Gabor

No problem is so large it cannot be run away from.
- - -Charles M. Schultz (Peanuts)

Nothing goes out of fashion sooner than a long dress with a very low neck.
- - -Coco Chanel

Often you just have to rely on your intuition.
- - -Bill Gates, Microsoft

Oh, grow up!
- - -Joan Rivers

Old age is no place for sissies.
- - -Bette Davis

Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.
- - -Miss Piggy

Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!
- - -Tommy Smothers

Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger.
- - -Abbie Hoffman

Since everything is in our heads, we had better not lose them.
- - -Coco Chanel

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- - -W. C. Fields

Stay humble. Always answer the phone, no matter who else is in the car.
- - -Jack Lemmon

Success is a great deodorant.
- - -Elizabeth Taylor

The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
- - -Roseanne Arnold

The future will be better tomorrow.
- - -Dan Quayle

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- - -Lucille Ball

The worst crime is faking it.
- - -Kurt Cobain

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.
- - -Elton John

Time wounds all heels.
- - -Jane Ace

To keep your character intact you cannot stoop to filthy acts. It makes it easier to stoop the next time.
- - -Katherine Hepburn

What the hell--you might be right, you might be wrong...but don't just avoid.
- - -Katherine Hepburn

When your conscience says law is immoral, don't follow it.
- - -Jack Kevorkian

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans.
- - -Ronald Reagan

You've got to take the bitter with the sour.
- - -Samuel Goldwyn

What you shouldn't do . . .

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing.
- - -Buddy Hackett

Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just get elected, then get even.
- - -James Carville

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.
- - -Janis Joplin

Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity.
- - -Nick Diamos

Never believe in mirrors or newspapers.
- - -Tom Stoppard

Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow.
- - -William Brighty Rands

Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon.
- - -Jilly Cooper

Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store.
- - -Miss Piggy