cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding
pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow
cat to close mouth and swallow.
pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm
and repeat process.
cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back
of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of
pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse
on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold
head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note
to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing
cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and
remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard
and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open
with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last
tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize
to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.
cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly
to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to
wash pill down.
spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor
stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right
eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they
have any hamsters.