|| If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
||If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for lunch, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
|ON EATING OUT
|| Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though the bill's only $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
||When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
||A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want
||A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
||The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
||A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, tooth paste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
||A woman has the last word in any argument.
||Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
||Women love cats.
|| Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
|ON THE FUTURE
||A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
||A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
|| A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
||A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
||A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
||A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
|ON DRESSING UP
||A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
||A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
||Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
||Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
||Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
||A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
||Any married man will forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.