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|Brain Candy Jokes & Humor Collection|
Humor about the funny things in life (and death)
Don't attend funerals of people you don't know.
Don't try to outdo the family's grief.
Don't use the occasion to "schmooze".
Don't videotape the service.
Don't ask for "just a peek-a-doodle" if it is a closed casket.
Don't rate the funeral with a 1-10 rating scale in front of the family.
Don't race the hearse to the cemetery.
Do offer your help, but don't charge for it.
Don't make statements like "something seems fishy to me" or "I hope they did an autopsy."
Don't remark that the deceased looks "way better than they ever did"
Don't sit in the front row of the church and lean over the seat to wave at everyone you know coming in.
Do realize that the grieving family probably knows the deceased more than you do: especially if it is your neighbour or your friend's aunt.
Don't approach the widow/widower and ask for the fifty dollars the deceased owed you.
Don't make an offer to the widow/widower on the deceased clothes.
Don't try to make the grieving family feel better by handing them a typewritten list of the deceased's faults.
Don't climb on headstones to get a better view.
Don't do impressions of the deceased.
Don't ask about the "eats" the minute you arrive at the funeral home.
Don't ask if there's any booze.
Don't use the word "rooked" if a discussion of funeral expenses arises.
Don't ask the widow/widower on a date at the funeral home.
Don't tell everyone how much your flower arrangement cost and offer to show them the bill if they don't believe you.
Don't remove anything from the coffin as a memento.
Don't tell the grieving family "it could be worse" and then go into a long rambling story about the passing of your little dog Blue.
Don't tell the relatives that this is the smallest funeral you've ever seen.
Don't use a fake name like "I.P. Nightly" in the guestbook.
Don't offer to make a beer-run.
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