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Humor about health, medicine, doctors
Doctors: What They Say & What They Really Mean
"This should be taken care of right away."
"I'd planned a trip to
Hawaii next month but this is
so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures
"Welllllll, what have we here..."
Since he hasn't the foggiest
notion of what it is, the
Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.
"First I have to check
my malpractice insurance."
"Let me check your medical history."
"I want to see if you've
paid your last bill before
spending any more time with you."
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
"I'm playing golf this
afternoon, and this a waste of time."
"I need the money,
so I'm charging you for another
"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."
"I hate those guys mooching
in on our fees."
Since he hasn't the faintest
idea of what to do, he is
trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will
interrupt. (Proctologist also say this a lot.)
"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is he's
going to buy that new BMW, and
the bad news is you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
"Maybe in a few days
it will grow into something that
can be cured."
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
"I have a 40% interest
in the lab."
"How are we today?"
"I feel great. You, on
the other hand, look like hell."
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
"I'm writing a paper
and would like to use you for a
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
"I don't know what the
hell it is. Maybe it will go
away by itself."
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
"I think I'm going to
"This may smart a little."
"Last week two patients
bit through their tongues."
"This should fix you up."
"The drug salesman
guaranteed that it kills all
"Everything seems to be normal."
"I guess I can't buy
that new beach condo after all."
"I'd like to run some more tests."
"I can't figure out what's
wrong. Maybe the kid in the
lab can solve this one."
"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting
He thinks you are crazy
and is hoping to find a
psychiatrist who will split fees.
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
"I've never heard of
anything so disgusting. Thank God
I'm off next week.