Jack is the only son of Awe
Schitt and O. Schitt, and he
has an interesting family tree:
In 1957, Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate,
married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N.
They had one son, Jack.
Jack Schitt grew up and married Noe, and
together Jack and Noe Schitt produced
(who came to be known as "The Lucky
Shineola (who didn't really have the Schitt
Bull Schitt (who really looked
like Schitt, the father),
and the twins: Dip Schitt and Deap
Dip Schitt was not very bright, and was known
as "The stupid Schitt", and she married
Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out
who happened to share the same last name (no relation, however).
Friends affectionately nicknamed them "The Schitts". Their marriage
produced no little Schitts.
The other twin, Deap Schitt, went on to build a deodorant empire,
which became famous for it's slogan: "Smell
Like Schitt". Interestingly, that slogan only worked in the
United States, and another slogan was more popular in the U.K.:
"Put a dab of Schitt on your pits." When the company launched its
product into Australia, a third slogan was used successfully: "Smell
Like Schitt Down Under".
But soon, trouble developed and Noe Schitt
divorced Jack and promptly married a nice man named Ted Sherlock,
but being a modern woman, she decided to hyphenate her name. She
become known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Jack was depressed at losing Noe, but he,
too, remarried a nice lady named Loda. The blushing bride, Loda
Schitt, produced a son of nervous disposition, whom they
named Chicken Schitt.
Jack and Loda went on to produce two more
boys, Krappy Schitt and Ugglee
These athletic brothers, Krappy and Ugglee,
married the stunningly beautiful Happens Sisters in a dual ceremony.
Wedding was a huge affair, and this union also produced many offspring:
and Pigh Schitt
But once again, Jack lost his love for his
wife, and left to tour the world. He recently returned from an extended
visit to Italy with his newest bride, Pisa.
Presently Jack Schitt and his 3rd wife, Pisa
Schitt, are living without children in New Jersey on property
which contains a stream of water, now known to the locals as "Schitt
(From now on, nobody can say you don't know