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|Brain Candy Celebrity Insults Collection|
insults about famous women
clever celebrity sarcastic comments about famous women
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She was incredibly ugly, uglier than almost anyone I had ever met.
A thin, withered creature, she sat hunched in her chair, in her
heavy tweed suit and her thick lisle stockings, impregnable and
indifferent. She had a huge nose, a dark mustache, and her dark-dyed
hair was combed into absurd bangs over her forehead.
I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire
I loathe you. You revolt me stewing in your consumption . . . you
are a loathsome reptile - I hope you die.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age.
She not only worships the golden calf, she barbecues it for lunch.
The only person who ever left the Iron Curtain wearing it.
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.
Zsa Zsa Gabor has been married so many times she has rice marks
on her face.
She has a face that belongs to the sea and the wind, with large
rocking-horse nostrils and teeth that you just know bite an apple
She ran the whole gamut of emotions from A to B.
Her body has gone to her head.
She has breasts of granite and a mind like a Gruyere cheese.
She's a vacuum with nipples.
Elizabeth Taylor looks like two small boys fighting underneath
a thick blanket.
Elizabeth Taylor's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Every minute this broad spends outside of bed is a waste of time.
Her hair lounges on her shoulders like an anesthetized cocker
A buxom milkmaid reminiscent of a cow wearing a girdle, and both
have the same amount of acting talent.
She's like an apple turnover that got crushed in a grocery bag
on a hot day.
She speaks five languages and can't act in any of them.
A great actress, from the waist down.
She looks like she combs her hair with an eggbeater.
Joan always cries a lot. Her tear ducts must be close to her bladder.
A kind of cross between Julia Roberts and Jack Nicholson.
She turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines. - - - Joan Rivers (about Bo Derek)
A woman whose face looked as if it had been made of sugar and someone
had licked it.
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite sameness.
The worst and most homeliest thing to hit the screens since Liza
Hah! I always knew Frank would end up in bed with a boy!
Maybe it's the hair. Maybe it's the teeth. Maybe it's the intellect.
No, it's the hair.
Jane Fonda coming back to the screen after a decade-and-a-half
absence in Monster-in-Law is like Brando returning from the
dead to star in a Police Academy movie.
Purists, be warned: This scare-flick quickie [House of Wax]
has as much relation to the 1953 Vincent Price classic with the
same title as Paris Hilton does to acting.
Dramatic art in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater.
Miss United Dairies herself.
The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them
of Leonid Brezhnev.
It's a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what's between
her ears instead of her legs.
Whatever it was that this actress never had, she still hasn't got
Martina was so far in the closet she was in danger of being a garment
Roseanne Barr is a bowling ball looking for an alley.
The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem
was my cat being neutered.
She is as much fun as barbed wire.
I treasure every moment that I do not see her.
When it comes to acting, Joan Rivers has the range of a wart.
Armed with a wiggle and a Minnie Mouse squawk, she is coarse and
I look at my friendship with her as like having a gall stone. You
deal with it, there is pain, and then you pass it. That's all I
have to say about Schmadonna.
Not in this lifetime. Why? Because I'm the only one she hasn't
done it to.
She is closer to organized prostitution than anything else.
She is so hairy, when she lifted up her arm, I thought it was Tina
Turner in her armpit.
Mariah the fashion pariah ... the queen of catastrophic kitsch
I didn't know her well, but after watching her in action I didn't
want to know her well.
She aught to be arrested for loitering in front of an orchestra.
A cross between an aardvark and an albino rat.
All legs and hair with a mouth that could swallow the whole stadium
and the hot-dog stand.
Her voice sounded like an eagle being goosed.
If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.
A senescent bimbo with a lust for home furnishings.
Attila the Hen.
Nowadays a parlor maid as ignorant as Queen Victoria was when she
came to the throne would be classed as mentally defective.
In feathered hats that were once the rage, she resembles a petrified
parakeet from the Jurassic age. A royal wreck
She preserved to the age of fifty-six that contempt for ideas which
is normal among boys and girls of fifteen.
A fungus of pendulous shape.
George Eliot has the heart of Sappho; but the face, with the long
proboscis, the protruding teeth of the Apocalyptic horse, betrayed
Every word she writes is a lie, including "and" and "the."
She bellies up to the gourmet cracker-barrel and delivers laid-back
wisdom with the serenity of a down-home Buddha who has discovered
that stool softeners really work.
To those she did not like . . . she was a stiletto made of sugar.
Isn't she a poisonous thing of a woman, lying, concealing, flipping,
plagiarizing, misquoting, and being as clever a crooked literary
publicist as ever.
I am fairly unrepentant about her poetry. I really think that
three quarters of it is gibberish. However, I must crush down these
thoughts, otherwise the dove of peace will shit on me.
In her last days, she resembled a spoiled pear.
She was a master at making nothing happen very slowly.
Virginia Woolf's writing is no more than glamorous knitting. I
believe she must have a pattern somewhere.
She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her
She was divinely, hysterically, insanely malevolent.
She looks like something that would eat its young.
She is a lady short on looks, absolutely deprived of any dress
sense, has a figure like a Jurassic monster . . . very greedy when
it comes to loot, no tact and wants to upstage everyone else.
Timid? As timid as a buzz saw
She must use Novocain lipstick.
Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host a new Fox reality show called
Mr. Personality. Lewinsky says this way, when people ask her the
most degrading thing she's ever done, she'll have a new answer.
No woman of our time has gone further with less mental equipment.
She looked like a huge ball of fur on two well-developed legs.
She's about as feminine as a sidewalk drill.
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