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Brain Candy Jokes and Humor | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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short jokes
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ALLIGATOR SHOES |
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken." |
BLONDE LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????" |
THE BLONDE'S DOGS A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that? "HELLLOOOOOOO..." answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!" |
CAR TROUBLE She says, "What's the story?" |
IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" |
KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" |
RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side." |
SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" |
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency
room for a concussion and severe head wounds? Q: Did you hear about the blonde who almost caused a car wreck?
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror
with her eyes closed? Q: Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved
her? Q: Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes? Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose? Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? Q: How did the blonde die ice-fishing? Q: How did the blonde get ready for Y2K? Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? Q: How do blonde brain cells die? Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? Q: How do you confuse a blonde? Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? Q: How do you kill a blonde? Q: How do you know if a blonde writes mysteries? Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip
cookies? Q: How do you make blondes laugh on Monday mornings? Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? Q: How do you plant dope? Q: How do you drown a blonde? Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? Q: How does a blonde spell farm? Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? Q: How does a blonde "high-5"? Q: How does the blonde car pool work? Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? Q: If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits
the ground first? Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? Q: What can save a dying blonde? Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar
in her urine? Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already
written on the overhead transparency? Q: What did the blonde get on her IQ test? Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes? Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
Ming vase? Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the
YMCA? Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? Q: What did the really dumb blonde say when someone blew in her
bra? Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool? Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125? Q: What do you call a blonde clutching at thin air? Q: What do you call a blonde in a black leather jacket? Q: What do you call a blonde mother-in-law? Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? |
Q: What do you call a really smart blonde? Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Q: What do you call three blondes in a Volkswagen? Q: What do you call an eternity? Q: What do you call three blondes, sitting at a bar, singing, drinking
Tab, and eating apples? Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything? Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain
surgery on a blonde? Q: What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say? Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease? Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over
her ears? Q: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and
a dead skunk in the road? Q: What is the mating call of the blonde? Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Q: What's a blonde behind the wheel? Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? Q: What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes? Q: Why are the Japanese so smart? Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists? Q: Why can't Blondes dial 911? Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? Q: Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out
light bulbs? Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? Q:Why did the blonde jump off the building? Q: Why did the blonde keep putting quarters in the soda vending
machine? Q: Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies? Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children? Q: Why did the blonde secretary cut off her finger? Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid? Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat
forehead? Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? Q: Why do blondes drive VW's? Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? Q: Why do blondes have more fun? Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? Q: Why do blondes have square boobs? Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? Q: Why do blondes like lightning? Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? Q: Why do blondes take the pill? Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? Q: Why do blondes wear earmuffs? Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular
one? Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? Q: Why was the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? |
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